hmm?

my personality suits the likes of a social lubricator or that is what you think. i imagine i could possibly do that two ways, either annoy you to bits or tease you to pieces. sometimes i choose to overstep the boundaries, others i hold back. and sometimes i don't even bother opening the gap on my face. but whatever it is, it's not flirting. that might be your definition of bloody flirting but it definitely ain't mine. i do not 'flirt' with outrageous phrases that would cross the line of absurdity, no. comprende?

well people say i'm a sweet guy. and i must admit i like that perception of me. i have heard so many, oh you are so nice and all the what-nots about me; but like i said i like that perception of me. it's thoroughly entertaining through and through. it gets even more amusing when my actions are/were laced with such irony when you based them on those exact words. but ah well. life is as contradicting as things can get.

z-win is :D yaaay!

bang bang.

i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee frisbee :D

asdfghjkl.

how much further can i tunnel as an escapist in this seemingly never-ending tunnel. i need...sigh. nvm.   
 
you talk to me..but i can't tell whether you really care. or is it just another phase you have.


you are busy..always. mmm.

you, i am a little confused. but thank you.


 
[all 3 js]

ifydonfonfeelfilllykfikeifyamfam afenyfyonefan's sumfumwanfun spaefechelllfal.

are we branded?

try living without thinking about a certain brand that you would want everytime you wanna purchase something.

it's screwing up many things.

I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT.

try imagining this as the z-win who writes right after he falls into a deep red riding hood sleep, without the princess.

I don't usually play songs on my laptop when i am about to sleep but I just slept to the song I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT, from Madagascar.
Now, let me tell you there is only one reason to why i could do that.
Last night + this morning i played the most hours of frisbee in my entire life. To quote alex, in a nebulous way, my body hurts. but to be specific, my hands, my legs, my neck, my back, my brains, my pain receptors, my cells, my mitochondria, my enzymes all hurt. I JUST FEEL LIKE RUBBING THE WHOLE BOTTLE OF DEEP HEAT ON MY BODY. OHHHH. I think i pushed my body too far :D :D :D

I HATE FRISBEE!

 

YAY!

ahhhh. see? much better right? actually now it's even neater than before but this was after the first time i cleaned it that day. lazeeeeee to take another wan mahh. because i have removed everything on the floor except the mat and the adaptor. so minus off the books and everything, my room looks much more seductive right right?

UP NEXT. PD + BAGAN LALANG + NILAI SPRINGS + MACD TRIP!

me, my room and i.

HAHAHAHAHA. look!
guess whose room is that? i know i know if my mum sees this she will faint. you guys probably think what sorta pig i am to live in that sty but heyyyyyy. it's not as bad as it looks. ok wait, who am i kidding! hahaha!

but i am tidying it up now! because here here i will let you in on a secret of mine. i like cleaning my room when it gets dirty. it's nice. like when it's messy and all and then i clean it up then it looks neat and awesome! i feel orgasmic. okay that's an overstatement but you get the drift.

i will show it when i am done, okay? :D

coffee lover part 1 + my books.

okay...here goes my goal for next week.

TO NOT SKIP CLASSES FOR THE WHOLE OF NEXT WEEK!!!

 okay okay! sounds impossible but this time around i am having myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy COFFEEEEEEE! :D

YUP YUP YUP! see that bag of Nescafe there? let's see what caffeine does to me okay ^^v

anyway my books. ahhh. these are three of the books i have currently in my room. as in the three that really affects me and the way i think yeah.

first book, The God Delusion.

hmm, lovely book. though i haven't finished that book yet, it really entices me in ways i cannot fathom. and it is very interesting! promise i will update once i am done [starting already, again ]

second one, well...it's called The Stylelife Challenge.
what it is about you ask me? it's somewhere along the kinda book that teaches you how to pick them girls up. but that is not why i am reading it. i don't apply stuff that i read there on girls. what i take from this book are the values that it teaches me, well you may say 'dude it's a pick them up girls book, how much value can there really be?' but yes. there are important things that this book contains. and well it's pretty enlightening at times :D

the third one. ahh. The Pact by Jodi Picoult.
hmm. this book eh. wellll..i don't know why but i felt deeply connected to it somehow or rather when i read it and i was really moved. it definitely affected the way i think. period.

enjoy your weekends! cheers.

wrap things up :D

june and i, we parted ways. no no don't scrutinize my face for tints of sadness or signs of dried tears. i am fine :D well initially i wanted to write this post under some password protected shite but yes, that would show only three things, that i am harboring some secret hope or that i have not 'moved on' or i am bad-mouthing her through a post to which 1)i am not and 2)i have and 3)i am not as well. that sounds really shallow, anyway.

So yeah. i'd be lying if i said i was not affected because truth be revealed, i was. but i must be grateful because i did not go through the period where i curl up in one corner and cry my lungs out every second i have free. neither was i the stalking ex who tries to follow her around hoping to meet her, ohh just to see her face for one more time/ask her oh-why-did-you-do-this-to-me-have-you-no-heart-questions. or keep asking her to take me back. hahaha. it was nothing of that sort but i did do these things. check on her attendance, her fb, her blog, etc. etc. that's not tooo stalkeristical right? :D [ RANDOM THOUGHT - i am not a clingy ex (: so you girls out there...who wants it fast, pick me :D HAHA ] Things were in fact pretty complicated a while after we were done. but i must admit right here that i had second thoughts about the break up like a whole week to two after and it led me to do some pretty embarrassing things, some time back. right June? talk about the gazillion calls and million messages you had! hahaha. sorry for those few moments. mmm.

Hmm. The reason why i am blogging this is...let me see. Oh yes. Because I am too detached to answer the multiple questions people tend to ask. and also I can't get through to you June but it doesn't matter anymore. However i do not blame you and you readers should not too as well because I have done this to my pasts. [ i wanna take this chance to apologize to you-know-who-you-are for everything that i have done. i was pretty damn harsh wasn't i, guess you can be happy now :D ] so if you are calling her foul names those names will ring well with me too and i wouldn't be too happy about that :D besides, just in case you are wondering, the whole break up was mostly due to my own doings. so yeah. i was the culprit here. sorry June ): though, don't bother asking me questions. some things i tell some i don't.

oh and i have been feeling great of late. i have been going back to my usual routine. crazy sleeping time. crazy gaming time. but this time around i've had different company(s). and there are those few people out there who i always look forward to when it comes to talking, hanging out and stuff. you know who you are :D

p.s. just a short note to june,
the space you need is fine. but please do focus on your studies okay. take care :D hahaha this feels weird. 

light,

i am amazed at the progress i am making. hahahaha! do you see the light? can't wait for june! :D it's gonna be awesome.

aye aye i.

innocent won't do. nice can't do. i want bad, i want desire, i want pain :D

omg! let me do a current update on my err..progress in class.

CHEMISTRY : NOT EVEN FREAKING THERE TO BE LOST IN THE UNDERSTANDING OF CHEMISTRY

PHYSICS : HAH! A LITTLE BETTER. USUALLY THERE, BUT STILL LOST.

MATHS : HMM. HE GOES DAMN FAST.

BIOLOGY : AHH, FINALLY SOMETHING THAT I CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH. STILL LOST THOUGH.

i don't need a miracle. i need...a stone.

memoir.

the most vivid memories are those that you have gone through with pain, exhaustion and emotions. but these are also the ones that will last. because good times come and go. it is in these bad times where we know where we stand and who we are surrounded by.

cheers.

zuzubird.

just in case you are wondering, zuzubird is the name of my imaginary beetle pet. okay you might think i am going cuckoo but no i am not. but yes i am restless. i pretty sure did try plenty of things to keep this little noisy machine up in my head occupied with stuff. end effect? doesn't work. tried movies. couldn't be bothered with even finishing it, lost interest within the first few minutes. did running then. ahhh. nice. but couldn't be bothered with pushing myself or perhaps i am just too damn lazy. then there are them weights. didn't do any form of research whatsoever on how many times, how often and how we should do them. so i just play around with them till my hands, well, till they just don't feel like my hands anymore. sleeping. ahh this works, but one can only sleep so much plus i dont wanna get fat. showering helps too! feel every trickle of water rolling down. nice. i did reading. same case, just lost my interest. it is like i have ADHD. OH FB! just gets boring when you see the status again and again and again and again. gahh. i wanna study biology. interested to yes. but everything seems to coalesce after a while. i will get mixed up with the spermatocytes turning into oogacytes. heck i dont even know if the names are correct.
i cant think of anything else to do! argh.



i think i should down few cups of nescafe on a daily basis. somehow or rather i feel more at peace early in the morning after a sleepless night. it's the sleep that you get when you know your body is so damn bloody tired that is most rewarding. besides, life is short. play more :D gahh. been talking to many many many people. hahaha. nice and fun!(: but only very few out there whose words can make me think. think as in think think, using brains think and emote as well. ahah. and they make me feel good when i am around them, naturally. mmm. days have been a blur. everything just zooms by and before i know it it's the next day already. how awesome right. wait till my exams are like tomorrow! HAHA.


save my sorry ass man. whoever it is out there who is capable of doing it.

think thank.

been putting in some effort in trying to decide the future i want. got some books and brochures to help explain in details every component of things that might be of interest. ranging from biochemistry to aeronautical engineering, from construction technology to NURSING, from psychology to forensic science. gahh.

heyy! do you know you can become a fighter pilot if you were to major in aeronautical engineering?!

if i'm given carte blanche, i'd do anything but study.

Bizzare with Double Zees.

Many things i do on a daily basis gives a certain inner peace. For example;

showering - nothing feels better than the force of the cold hard water on my pudgy body. especially on hot days like these.

filling up my bottle - i don't usually take time off to just sit down and think. this action forces me to do so. you know the noisy fan above, the gentle breeze, the fresh air, plenty rejuvenating.

lying on bed during the snooze period - it's early in the morning, the rays of the sun through the windows, the thought of skipping class in that semi-conscious state of mindset.

there are others but yeah. those i will keep to myself if you know what i mean.

Anyway.

What is the difference between physical and mental pleasure? Is there a stark distinction between these two? Don't seem to get them. Because whatever it is you feel on your receptors, you learn to identify in your brains.

Mmm.

People handle issues differently. Some ignore them and focus on other things. Some prevent themselves from thinking about them by occupying themselves with stuff. Some just get depressed over them because they only think of the negative sides/positive sides, depending on the issues.

I feel the best way is to face them. Go through everything. Every string of emotion. Every pro and con. A certain revelation will come and you will understand why things happened the way they did. Learn from it. And strengthen yourself. Alone, with friends, with loved ones. That doesn't matter.

To Arthur,

Nice post! I like the one about that night! and the one on you having the hots for little girls you fucking pedo.

To Jocelyn,

Hey, sometimes the anger and disappointment comes from the fact that we are not needed anymore. Nothing will keep you warm more than the presence of friends or people who really wanna be there for you(: thank you for yeah you know what. Hugs(:

To Cia,

Sorry for everything i did or i said. Thanks for listening. Thanks for not having any ill wishes. I fully understand what you tell me about borders and boundaries. And i am fine with that. That is why i trust you a lot. Take care. Pats(:

To Eugene and the rest,

Damn, wish you all were here man. Things just always have a way of working themselves out around us. Had a blast last weekend. Looking forward to more soon.

To June,

Certain days, years, months mean a lot to a person. Me? One of the things that holds a meaning to me is the sixth month of the year, June. and the person herself(: both a person and a month, where i met you(:

kissing.

why can't humans be like dolphins. they 'frolick' amongst their group members.

scratch that. disturbing thought running through my mind.

i bet you won't see this coming.

A word of advice from z-win, the student who thinks he is not made to learn but to be stupidly coerced into what the general majority figures is the best way for a schooling boy to achieve his ambition, yes, you got me right, his ambition.

So yes, when you are at the crossroad of choosing your future's course (it's not even a crossroad for some, more like a multi-level road system where there are many paths to choose from), it is not about choosing the shortest course to the highest pay.

Before you roll your eyes and think, like i need you to tell me that, let me say that that is not what i wanted to say. Neither am i going to tell you if your job is of your interest, you'd never need to work a single day in your life.

What i wanna voice is if you...you know what, forget it. It's too offensive.

stones don't rock.

stupidity is when you realize you are stupid and you don't want to change.

words.

we regret them. we hurt people. we condemn others.

rarely do we use them for the better. like for compliments, productive ideas etc etc. more often than not we say things that, upon reflection, regret or worse; some even don't.

i wanna apologize on behalf of my own words to all and some. words that never came true, words that hurt more than one could possibly know, words that were never good to hear. i am sorry.

whee(: