altshift.

N.P.

that makes it to my list of abnegation. never will i try that again. let's try something different then.

i cannot uphold what i've written previously.

i've broken back into my old habit (YY).

.

Maybe,

I should focus more on myself before I get to my twisted thoughts that I know many have come to disagree with. I know i am 13 degrees off.

Vielleicht kann ich eine einfache Einführung machen?

I keep my nails short. It just feels good. I have really bad hair-ttitude. When I am not bothered, I just am not. I smile easily. I do not have normal double eyelids, mine is on the lower side of my eyes, which are pretty difficult to notice. Nevertheless I got lesung pipi. Not tall, not beautiful, not hot. Surprisingly, profusely shy, which is making me feel extremely odd right now because this post should be like my first one. Hopefully this would ease my nervousness, here is a picture of this dog near my house.

it's adorable how she comes to my window when she can, just to peep inside. and everytime without fail i'd speak to her, thinking that she can't understand me. how foolish of me right. she's quite a puppy thus she still has puppy eyes and i am terribly affected by them. HAHA.

anyway...i just read naruto 504.. this is only gonna be understood by manga readers. sigh i don't know why now the story is just strolling down the depressing path. one after another and i just grimaced when i read the part about naruto's parents. where they sacrificed themselves for him and what the mother did and said. all those tiny little insignificant nags, those moments were so beautiful and they struck close to heart. so depressingly beautiful. mmm. before i start sounding incongruous to how i am supposed to be, the young adult, i'd better stop...but still. );

2nd Day & STORY TIME :D

       One does not fail to notice the man standing amidst the irregular-sized paintings, which were arranged in such a chaotic manner that there seem to be a subtle order to them. From the dull, golden gilding of the frames that clasp the works of various ancient artists in their places to the layers of dust that ludicrously bring a new feature on the now dried colours, one could indistinctly tell that the masterpieces, hung so stiffly against the faded castle-white wall, were age-worn. So old that it makes the man look out of place, as well as, naturally, out of time.

       Yet, one does not fail to observe the man who stood as still as an oak tree, transfixed upon the paintings that blatantly blast an array of colours into the still, quiet atmosphere. At a glance, his gaze seemed to be fastened to one particular illustration, though upon a second one, the angle of his face obscures the exact painting he appears to be admiring and in a Mona Lisa way, one could only wonder where his eyes followed.

       But there was one painting that stood out.

       It was as though the motionless figures in it materialized within the confinement of its spell-bounding shade of colours. The whiteness of the fresh, still-falling snow, the way the red screams 'BLOOD',  the rusty silver of the armours that seemed to conceal the hard-trained muscles lying taut and ready on two deadly warriors that were locked in an embrace of death and that brilliant orange in the background which uncovers the time of the day, dusk and along with it, the coming of night.

       And if one delved deeper, like how the man might have been elusively doing, one could almost hear the clang of metal against metal, see the sparks that were elicited and feel the strength behind the blows of the swords with the whooshing sound of the wind that followed closely. How parry after parry, strike after strike, neither presented an opening for the other to exploit. How effortless and elegant their movements were that it was as though a dance was taking place, only that here, if either faltered, it would have meant a swift death.

       That is when time stops and everything halts in their tracks except for the occasional draft of wind which precipitates into the rustles of the leaves. Only then would one notice the grimness that showed on both faces, one, a handsome, stoic face which held features fit for a prince, the fire in his bright blue eyes shining as fiercely as the flame-shaped emblem on his breastplate that was full of dents and scratches, the stance he carried, his long sword up high and the crimson red cape that rippled behind him; and the other, whose face was partially shadowed by the dark veil he wore, his jet-black hair tied neatly behind, his dark silver-coloured armour which silently creaked with every of his movement and the gait he held that showed nothing but malice and anger...

       A shoulder-shake jerked me out of my daze.

       " Sir, I saw that you've been standing here staring at Sir Luke Pfifer's work of art, like what that man in the painting is doing, for the past half an hour," with a giggle, she continued, " You must have been in awe. I don't blame you, this one does have its charms. It's my favourite." A toothy smile lighted up on her face with that last word. A smile that revealed dimples I realized countless men must have fallen for.

       And as I went on staring blankly, still in confusion, sieving reality from imagination, she leaned in close till I could catch the waft of her seductive perfume, which till today I have not been able to identify, and whispered to my right ear, " Let me show you something you'd never take your eyes off." With that, she slided away from me. All I could do was follow and smile because I could have sworn I saw dimples too, on that princely warrior that I, deep in my heart, hoped would win the battle.

p/s how i wish i could live in the knight era. i feel like i don't fit in this current world. anyway nothing much seem to change. however, i think i might be experiencing slightly heightened sensations. let's hope for more? :D

day 1,

nothing much. still sane. how disappointing. thought i'd have a clearer mind. conned.

have you figured out what i wrote the other time? ayaaa it's just a simple first word of each sentence, mind you. nothing too intelligent.

i need to learn how to use the blusher siaaaaaaa.

hmm,

Her eyes weren't the most beautiful i've seen yet something there made mine linger. Maybe it's the vulnerability behind them. I can't really tell. I could've sworn too that she's isn't the princess material nor does she possess the latino hotness. But..it felt strange. It felt wrong. And the best part is I was somehow attracted.

It's such a pity I don't really know her well enough, nor will I get the chance to.

Encrypted, 1st,

If and when someone tells you or sends you  or writes something which you do not understand on your first contact with the information, then it's either rocket science material or it contains a hidden message which requires you to spend time revealing it. You may choose to ignore such situations but we humans are curious, we like to explore and find the answers to objects we do not truly understand. Are we patient enough to seek it? Reading into cryptic messages require more than a keen mind, an inner will is necessary to keep you going till you acquire the last drop of the answer you lust for. This, isn't present in most of us.

I, on a totally different but somehow related topic, wish to say that i am outright confused with certain things. Want and desire are two contrasting nouns that are constantly swirling in my mind. To say that i am lost is an overstatement by itself, yet to say that i am not does not seem too right as well. Tell myself that i don't need to bother with such things, you'd say but once our minds are set on a goal, our subconscious relentlessly pursues it despite knowing the consequences of it. You know why, because we would constantly ponder what would have happened if we had chosen not to carry it out.

That is only a small part. I do hope you understand what's really here because i've never tried this before, though i must add i like nicely formed sentences which hold a secret meaning to them, when connected. Have you ever gotten meaningful messages that contain feelings and secrets. Feelings that you may not yet come to realize. For distractions keep us all busy enough not to notice certain things. You are, for now, mine.

p/s can you see through what i have written ((:

OH,

i love the British accent (:

food for thought,

we'd doubt the most qualified doctor on a certain diagnosis so much so that we'd get a few other doctors' perspectives. yet we fully believe the likes of a tarot reader/future reader/'insert whatever nonsensical name you have'.

all these people claiming that they can predict your future have got to go.

ghosts too. have you ever pondered why only when we are alone or..are in small groups that this eerie feeling descends? that 'insert scary bg noise' there is a certain presence around. everytime it's one person or two or three, maybe one or two more but never in groups larger than 10. do you really believe that it's because they are afraid to 'come out' when there a lot of people?

picture this, you are in a cafe with loads of people. now picture it again, this time without anyone but you. you'd be scared right? (eg. Will Smith at the CD shop in I Am Legend) what bloody nonsense with ghosts and whatnots. So, you could conclude that it's all in the mind.

sigh. sorry i keep focusing on menial matters at hand. they keep me distracted from the main thing in life right now.

here i am,

criticizing the world again. as usual. you know sometimes i despise myself for complaining so much. but hey we like to complain about other things and I, naturally am no exception.

i think the standard of books out there is decreasing. walk into popular and mph and you'd see top sellers going to books involving vampires/werevolves. books that manipulate the fantasy side of a growing kid's mentality. books that deplete the mind off its potential to imagine. books that lack in complexity, filled with teenage simplicity, books that are, in my personal view, a waste of time to read.

i mean come on, this goes to those avid readers out there, compare the oh-so-great twilightologies and the likes of robert jordan's wheel of time or tolkien's works. it's like comparing verses of twinkle twinkle little star with stanzas from shakespeare. seriously.

damn it.

point form,

-i just want to immerse myself into the stories of everyone's lives. all those around me, absorb everything. and slowly shape my mindless thoughts around them. draw happiness or strength from them.

-holidays isn't doing me any good. if any, it's worsening my state. free time lets me think. and i rarely think about positive stuff. it's always about rationalizing.

-i miss non-online contact.

-hate it whenever the need-a-sister feeling comes slowly creeping in. like really.

-every now and then sudden images formed in my mind makes me tingle. eg, playing a grand white piano in a white room, standing on the rocks by the beach, kissing someone by a man-made fountain, rolling downhill on the plains, watering a growing flower in the snow. i don't know random stuff. but then the rest of the time it will just be filled with a dark need/desire/feeling that i can't pinpoint the source of.

-and no this isn't an emo post, it's just an outright depressed one.

where are my patches damn it.

N,

damn it. i have no idea how much i miss it.

anyway, i like pain. no i am not s-m but yes i like pain. not the kind that affects my daily routine. more like the kind that exists as a painful annoyance to remind you every few moments that your body is busy repairing the tears you strained on your muscles. especially the kind where your whole body aches. that is the best :D CRAZY right? pain is good :D

eh. i guess i kinda figured out the answer to that particular Q. i wasn't running away from someone. maybe from the current constant in life

messy soon to be beautiful,

                                           my train of thoughts.


to repeat the quote 'music is my life' would be much of an overstatement. though a little out of topic, the quote 'academic blunders makes my present life' couldn't fit more suitably.

so i've been on the instruments quite often these days. still as bad as ever with the guitar but i am brushing up my piano skills. though my hands, my wrists, my fingers and even the tips of my fingers are paying the price. and i'd like to insert something i read a long time ago which is

add : an amateur practices until (s)he gets it right, a professional, till (s)he could not get it wrong.

Socks,

I think worn socks tell us a lot about a person. About how the person is like on the inner side. Literally and metaphorically.

because you see there was this once when i was on a train ja and i saw this well-suited man. REALLY REALLY WELL-SUITED. from head to toe. impeccable.

till the moment he sat down.

HIS SOCKS!

They were hideous! There were holes, they were loose and dirty. It just goes to show how MUCH effort that one man puts in to groom himself near perfection on the outer side and how LITTLE effort he puts in to maintain an inner and outer equilibrium. Hence my conclusion? Your outer apparel can be one's worst nightmare but if you do your socks right, you'll be fine.

hahahahaha.

verbal retaliation,

everyone can retort. blunt ones. witty ones. sharp ones. hurtful ones. funny ones.

but what most can't do is to accept. now read carefully, imma digress for a brief moment. here's an excuse that's bound to work when your parents are angry at you for 'answering' them.

" No one, sons and daughters included are born with the natural ability to take orders directly without questioning them, be it within or without. We challenge them, mentally or verbally because everyone has a different stand and IF a pair of twos were to have the same perspective, then whatever that comes out from either mouth is definitely not going to be close to an order. It's going to be a revelation of how alike you two think. SO, we are made to defy, not to a defy-or-die point per se but you get my point. Hence, whenever we 'answer' you, do not for one second think that we are doing so just for the sake of forming an annoying resistance because all we really want to achieve is for you to understand OUR point-of-view. AND [ this is the most important part ] if you as our parents can't even accept us, as your child, to want you to understand our way of thoughts but instead choose to conclude that we are just aiming to anger you then who else out there will bother with how we think? " i self-crafted this. it can be a lot more flowery though anyway this only applies to young adults who can think for themselves of course. to hell with those kids who whine and answer back at you. HIT THEM.

OKAY. Back to topic.

To accept. That is a move most people cannot, can never do. And when i say accept i mean even if you are right and that person is in the wrong, you take it all in. I am sure you think that people will figure it's a sign of weakness coming from you but look at it this way, it's a hidden strength. Don't waste time explaining yourself to these people. If they are any good they will feel bad in no time and an immediate apology will follow. If they don't? Well let's just say it's time saved because they'd NEVER accept your point of view. Besides, you will see how stupid you make these people feel when you don't respond in the way they thought you would, which is to retort.

AND if you are really good, you could actually RETORT by NOT RETORTING. Now that's a skill. To quote what i heard recently, you slap that person in the face and you have him/her come thanking you for doing that. So yeah.

pictures don't speak a thousand words,

if they could they'd prolly speak pixels. anyway, some random shots i took:D

                          i ain't sure what's happening but i got shots (:

          i like this one whee the blurred car and the awesome background.

                        i think this is nice. it looks so surreal. hmm.


let's talk about socks next time around. HAHA.