"The Art of Suicide" by Emilie Autumn is being played on my itunes, as my mind drifts towards the idea of a higher motive in life or to be specific, afterlife. Is there life after life? Or is it just a mundane unknown darkness that encompasses everyone. I don't have the urge to live anymore. Everything is crushing down on me. I can't even see the faintest of light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it is better if i place a full stop at the sentence that tells the story of my life now and never continue, crumple the paper with my bare hands and throw it away into the blazing fire which i started...
was probably what i would have written, 23 years ago, or a shady toned down version of it.
but yes "Two is Better than One" is playing on my itunes and my mind drenches me with memories that have long escaped me, igniting creeks and corners i have forgotten existed, as i shudder in excitement at the thought of letting myself being led by feelings, emotions and hormones or in the accepted term, to fall again, in love. how i desire to stand by my other half, hand in hand, facing the future, however bleak. nothing else matters except for the presence of her steady throbbing heart...
was probably also what i would have written, had i lost my sanity, albeit a failed attempt of me trying to sound poetic.
but no. i have turned my itunes off a long time ago. no background song to ruin or set up any probable mood. i don't feel depressed. i don't feel the urge to fall in love. i just feel my faith waiving...and that is a plus point for religion. for the first time in my whole life i question my inactivity with that which is related to a higher form.
just like that, just once and that thought has flashed into oblivion, vanishing the very next instant.
No comments:
Post a Comment