i was just about to stop writing down my thoughts here. and maybe create some new virtual space on some different platform because i think i will be getting a little more personal in the following few months. a little more private, a little less public. i might still do it though.
anyway.
yesterday was supposed to be a macchiato day yet somehow i ended up in a parking lot, surely, every slot in my mind was parked with a deep thought. call me weird but it's nice. i mean to just sit down in a car, with the seat pulled back and all plus it was raining. yes. there was even a dramatic swooshing and booming background noise while i intensified the ponders of the mind, things that i would have rendered as insignificant, had i taken the cup of macchiato, this would not have happened.
and it is all because of one word. surely you can't expect me to reveal that to you.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
i run.
footsteps,
trailing behind,
never faltering, ever closing,
the past chasing the present into the future,
and so i run,
yet when i turn,
all i see are...
shadows,
dancing behind,
never leading, ever following,
the past haunting the present into the future,
and so i run,
yet when i shut my eyes,
i still hear...
laughter,
echoing behind,
never lessening, ever mocking,
the past taunting the present into the future,
and so i run,
even with my eyes close,
even till the sun blows.
trailing behind,
never faltering, ever closing,
the past chasing the present into the future,
and so i run,
yet when i turn,
all i see are...
shadows,
dancing behind,
never leading, ever following,
the past haunting the present into the future,
and so i run,
yet when i shut my eyes,
i still hear...
laughter,
echoing behind,
never lessening, ever mocking,
the past taunting the present into the future,
and so i run,
even with my eyes close,
even till the sun blows.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The Player,
Once there lived a busy boy,
Who was always, so charmingly coy,
But when he got his new found toy,
Was he filled with such a joy.
Now the toy was just a playful ploy,
A little fun, though not one to cloy,
However, like this envoy,
There is always a little decoy.
Who was always, so charmingly coy,
But when he got his new found toy,
Was he filled with such a joy.
Now the toy was just a playful ploy,
A little fun, though not one to cloy,
However, like this envoy,
There is always a little decoy.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
two point four 101.
i am as fit as a dildo, which provides a crude innuendo cum explanans to the aforementioned explanandum.
anyway, i am very very very extremely undeniably bored. Though, varied imaginations from the Wheel of Time series, written by the late and revered Robert Jordan, fill my mind. From the Aes Sedai, omnipotent women who can channel the One Power, the female's side at least, known as saidar, to their male counterparts, who are encumbered with the Dark One's taint that spreads across saidin, the male version of the One Power to Warders, sworn and bonded to the female Aes Sedai, to protect them from physical harm to the Black Ajah and the Forsakens and to the Dark One himself. But that is all. Nothing else. After that i hit a blank wall. Void.
Vielleicht sollte ich versuchen, Französisch zu lernen.
anyway, i am very very very extremely undeniably bored. Though, varied imaginations from the Wheel of Time series, written by the late and revered Robert Jordan, fill my mind. From the Aes Sedai, omnipotent women who can channel the One Power, the female's side at least, known as saidar, to their male counterparts, who are encumbered with the Dark One's taint that spreads across saidin, the male version of the One Power to Warders, sworn and bonded to the female Aes Sedai, to protect them from physical harm to the Black Ajah and the Forsakens and to the Dark One himself. But that is all. Nothing else. After that i hit a blank wall. Void.
Vielleicht sollte ich versuchen, Französisch zu lernen.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Nichts Besonderes, oder?
i realized i rushed through what i wrote down previously and therein lies not much of a flow in my story but hey it was 5:45 in the morning yes i did wake up from a princess-like 13 hours of sleep but that doesn't automatically mean i can function like a monotonous but intelligent robot that leads a sedentary life well at least if i had a robot it would lead a boring life even the owner is like that who knows it might even malfunction due to the banalities it has to go through day in day out.
imagine a large cavern where in the olden days tribes from a certain area would bring their sacrifice on a monthly basis be it a male brown cow, a pig without a tail or a white rabbit, where if that deed is not done the gods would go in hunger and strike in anger at those tribes, a cavern so huge that one wonders how such a sacrifice would even suffice. i don't know how to continue that but somehow my stomach feels like that now and imma call down the wrath of gods on the refrigerator.
let me grace you with...
how.
to.
abstain.
hohoho.*tightening*
imagine a large cavern where in the olden days tribes from a certain area would bring their sacrifice on a monthly basis be it a male brown cow, a pig without a tail or a white rabbit, where if that deed is not done the gods would go in hunger and strike in anger at those tribes, a cavern so huge that one wonders how such a sacrifice would even suffice. i don't know how to continue that but somehow my stomach feels like that now and imma call down the wrath of gods on the refrigerator.
let me grace you with...
how.
to.
abstain.
hohoho.*tightening*
"Float like a Bee, Sting like a Butterfly."
They did not see their impending doom.
The vast array of vibrant colors that lay on the back of her wings seemed to amalgamate into a blinding dizzying ball of light that changes in direction every time the wind picked up. The graceful green of the leaves partitioned with thickened red lines, right next to the deepest blue of the ocean dotted with refreshing spots of orange, all kept in bound with a black curvaceous boundary, yet nothing really beats the majestic white that spanned the lower half of the wings right down to the tails, that ended with a tinge of black. Despite the magnificent beauty, there was an edge of nervousness or rather a hint of trepidation to it as the powerful wings undulated up and down in a vicariously slow manner.
And there was a good reason to it.
Right behind was a voracious buzzing that appeared to deceptively come from the constant lightning-speed flapping of translucent wings, wings that were attached to a rounded hull that was thickly striped with yellow and black. Yellow and black that went all the way around and around but now the dual colored strips coalesced into a dark, fluid motion that zinged left and right, always a step behind the orb of light.
Neither saw their impending doom.
For not very far ahead, was a structure, so pellucid that only the faintest drops of the morning dew that clung dangerously to it betrayed its presence. And right at the center, crouched a figure so huge, so silently that it seemed like a farcical contradiction. On each side of its body stretched four stringy, hairy legs and at each end was a claw that allowed it its deadly grip on nearly every surface imaginable. Just a moment before, it had been busy feeding off a near-unrecognizable carcass that lay nearby, displaying a paucity of life and exuding only the aftermath of death. But now all eight round eyes that were located near the top of its head are casually yet ravenously focused on the oncoming sphere of light and following tightly behind another buzzing shadow that somehow seemed to blend into the background. But nothing escapes its eyes. Nothing.
what happens next?
anyway i wanna share with you a picture.
|
it had been raining very heavily. it was out in the open, there was lightning all over and its leg was broken.
do you feel guilt flowing through you? if so, a fortiori, me too, with a multiplied magnitude. i happened to pass by there and i had done nothing. at first, i had thought that the phrase, let nature do its job, would suffice in justifying my conscience. yet there hasn't been a second that passed where i have not regretted for what i had not done.
please do me a favor and pray for this unfortunate soul. this brave tiny unfortunate soul that braced the dangerous world alone, in life and perhaps, though hopefully not, in death.
i am saddened.
The vast array of vibrant colors that lay on the back of her wings seemed to amalgamate into a blinding dizzying ball of light that changes in direction every time the wind picked up. The graceful green of the leaves partitioned with thickened red lines, right next to the deepest blue of the ocean dotted with refreshing spots of orange, all kept in bound with a black curvaceous boundary, yet nothing really beats the majestic white that spanned the lower half of the wings right down to the tails, that ended with a tinge of black. Despite the magnificent beauty, there was an edge of nervousness or rather a hint of trepidation to it as the powerful wings undulated up and down in a vicariously slow manner.
And there was a good reason to it.
Right behind was a voracious buzzing that appeared to deceptively come from the constant lightning-speed flapping of translucent wings, wings that were attached to a rounded hull that was thickly striped with yellow and black. Yellow and black that went all the way around and around but now the dual colored strips coalesced into a dark, fluid motion that zinged left and right, always a step behind the orb of light.
Neither saw their impending doom.
For not very far ahead, was a structure, so pellucid that only the faintest drops of the morning dew that clung dangerously to it betrayed its presence. And right at the center, crouched a figure so huge, so silently that it seemed like a farcical contradiction. On each side of its body stretched four stringy, hairy legs and at each end was a claw that allowed it its deadly grip on nearly every surface imaginable. Just a moment before, it had been busy feeding off a near-unrecognizable carcass that lay nearby, displaying a paucity of life and exuding only the aftermath of death. But now all eight round eyes that were located near the top of its head are casually yet ravenously focused on the oncoming sphere of light and following tightly behind another buzzing shadow that somehow seemed to blend into the background. But nothing escapes its eyes. Nothing.
what happens next?
anyway i wanna share with you a picture.
|it had been raining very heavily. it was out in the open, there was lightning all over and its leg was broken.
do you feel guilt flowing through you? if so, a fortiori, me too, with a multiplied magnitude. i happened to pass by there and i had done nothing. at first, i had thought that the phrase, let nature do its job, would suffice in justifying my conscience. yet there hasn't been a second that passed where i have not regretted for what i had not done.
please do me a favor and pray for this unfortunate soul. this brave tiny unfortunate soul that braced the dangerous world alone, in life and perhaps, though hopefully not, in death.
i am saddened.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
yes,
i know i know if this goes on this is going to turn into a self-made fan site but can you really blame me.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
faith,
"The Art of Suicide" by Emilie Autumn is being played on my itunes, as my mind drifts towards the idea of a higher motive in life or to be specific, afterlife. Is there life after life? Or is it just a mundane unknown darkness that encompasses everyone. I don't have the urge to live anymore. Everything is crushing down on me. I can't even see the faintest of light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it is better if i place a full stop at the sentence that tells the story of my life now and never continue, crumple the paper with my bare hands and throw it away into the blazing fire which i started...
was probably what i would have written, 23 years ago, or a shady toned down version of it.
but yes "Two is Better than One" is playing on my itunes and my mind drenches me with memories that have long escaped me, igniting creeks and corners i have forgotten existed, as i shudder in excitement at the thought of letting myself being led by feelings, emotions and hormones or in the accepted term, to fall again, in love. how i desire to stand by my other half, hand in hand, facing the future, however bleak. nothing else matters except for the presence of her steady throbbing heart...
was probably also what i would have written, had i lost my sanity, albeit a failed attempt of me trying to sound poetic.
but no. i have turned my itunes off a long time ago. no background song to ruin or set up any probable mood. i don't feel depressed. i don't feel the urge to fall in love. i just feel my faith waiving...and that is a plus point for religion. for the first time in my whole life i question my inactivity with that which is related to a higher form.
just like that, just once and that thought has flashed into oblivion, vanishing the very next instant.
was probably what i would have written, 23 years ago, or a shady toned down version of it.
but yes "Two is Better than One" is playing on my itunes and my mind drenches me with memories that have long escaped me, igniting creeks and corners i have forgotten existed, as i shudder in excitement at the thought of letting myself being led by feelings, emotions and hormones or in the accepted term, to fall again, in love. how i desire to stand by my other half, hand in hand, facing the future, however bleak. nothing else matters except for the presence of her steady throbbing heart...
was probably also what i would have written, had i lost my sanity, albeit a failed attempt of me trying to sound poetic.
but no. i have turned my itunes off a long time ago. no background song to ruin or set up any probable mood. i don't feel depressed. i don't feel the urge to fall in love. i just feel my faith waiving...and that is a plus point for religion. for the first time in my whole life i question my inactivity with that which is related to a higher form.
just like that, just once and that thought has flashed into oblivion, vanishing the very next instant.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
quick one,
it's 4:35 and no i don't feel any different although it's a new year, not taller, fatter, slimmer, richer, smarter and earlier at 12 midnight i felt like posting an fb-update stating 'you idiots who have been posting happy new year all over before this time, now is the time to do it' but then i had a capricious change in mind and it always happens with school with studies with blogs with daily chores one second i will be okay let's do this next second will be okay maybe later i will do this first so yeah i just wanna quickly go through the two posts that i have previously left hanging to spare you the banalities of my tend-to-be lengthy explanations of various insignificant matters in our boring lives my previous post well what i had intended to do was to go on and list everything that i'd like in a girl and then at the end of it state that i already knew what i want in her the thing is i have no idea what they want or what she wants if you prefer reading things in singular form and another post which i have yet to complete was the story of the dad and the son where the dad told the son to hammer a nail to the garage wall every time he gets angry at something so that he would learn to control his anger so after a while the son got a better grip over his emotions and one day when he could already keep his emotions in check he happily told his father who then told him to remove one nail from the same wall every time he succeeds in denying the control of anger over his actions and so he went about doing that and in no time all the nails were removed "what now father?" the son had asked and the father said in a sad voice "son look at the wall, look at every crevice, every crack you have left on the wall when you were once angry, even after you removed the nails the scars remain, even after you apologize the pain remains, so son, let this be a lesson, humans are weaker than the wall, take heed" so happily ever after i am happy i finished the two posts and i don't think i can sleep i don't know why.
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