belief,

remember the time when your mother interminably orders you to go to bed early. from there, fast forward.
no no not to the point where you'd fall asleep feeding yourself information in the all too familiar last minute fashion for the written Biology test the next morning. somewhere in between.
yes yes now we are within the proximity of what i am trying to get at, i can almost feel it.

the folding of our bed - the sheets, the positioning of various items that lie on top of it and lastly the comforter - yes this was what i had exactly in mind. remember it? how you were supposed to tuck the sheets in to erase any trace of folded or crumpled parts on the bed sheet, making it look altogether brand new except for the fact that it holds the slept-on-and-washed-ten-thousand-times dimension to it. how you were told the method and the position to place your bolster in, your plentiful soft toys, your pillow so as to provide a somewhat subtle soothing frame to the end effect of a successful bed making. no doubt you are often reminded that you'd have to pull all four corners of the quilt comforter to ensure each side is equally distributed, sometimes to the precision of a mathematical equation, as humanly as possible without any further aid of technology. yes this was it.

but screw that, that's not what i wanted to talk about. though i have likened that process to the telling of a story. how everything has to be neatly organized in an ordained manner.
a story about how i have been lately.
it still holds me in disbelief how, without fail, every time after i come back from a trip overseas, i'd allow myself to sink into momentary trances where i cogitate and reflect just about anything and everything. like for example, i find it profoundly disturbing how with the abstinence from any form of web-based social communication, comes an assortment of distractions and temptations which main objective is to attenuate my focus in life. it reminds me of this part in SAW where the harder one fought for freedom from something the harder it gets and finally the more tied down one is.

naturally, the idea of a pleasant form of 'propinquity' pulses gently at the back of my head from time to time too. but..i can't possibly allow that. like the aforementioned, this too, presents a handful of - i shall continue this tomorrow.